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The Movie
The Fifth Element; directed and co-written by Luc Besson, starring Bruce Willis and Mila Jovovich.
The Short Version
The Fifth Element is Tomb Raider meets Serenity meets Blade Runner, if those movies were all directed by an acid-dropping, eurotechno-dancing James Franco—which is to say, if they were directed by Luc Besson.
The Plot in a Nutshell |
Guys, I have no idea. Wikipedia says: “Mostly set during the twenty-third century, the film's central plot involves the survival of planet Earth, which becomes the duty of Korben Dallas (Willis), a taxicab driver and former special forces Major, when a young woman (Jovovich) falls into his taxicab. Upon learning about her significance, Dallas must join forces with her to recover four mystical stones essential to defending Earth from an impending attack.”
Yeah sure. That can be what it’s about.
Yeah sure. That can be what it’s about.
The Reason You (and Your Gentleman/Lady Friend) Will Love it
The term “bonkers awesome” recently entered my vocabulary, and nowhere is it more appropriate than when used to describe The Fifth Element. It’s campy, totally bizarre, filled with explosions and near-nudity (and sometimes just plain nudity too), and completely hilarious. Bruce Willis has hair. Milla Jovovich spends the entire movie wearing something that appears to be a cross between a Herve Leger bandage dress and an adult diaper. The locations range from an airship version of a Sandals resort to an Egyptian temple set straight out of The Mummy. If any of that sounds appealing to you, The Fifth Element is definitely your movie.
It’s a surprisingly divisive film: critics at the time of its release were dramatically split between adoration and hatred; and it’s featured frequently on both “best of sci-fi” and “worst of sci-fi” lists. While I’m not sure I entirely understand the hate, let’s be clear: if you aren’t a fan of campy science fiction, or the Luc Besson style more generally, then this is not the movie for you. I suspect that readers who delight in Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett will also enjoy this film—although Besson’s style is so unique that it’s difficult to be sure how people will react to it.
One final note—Chris Tucker. He makes this movie for me (again, this is a divisive opinion: some critics apparently thought he ruined it), just like he makes Silver Linings Playbook. Every time I watch either The Fifth Element or Silver Linings, I feel the distinct need to run to Netflix and watch everything Chris Tucker has ever made, because the man. is. a. genius. He swans through The Fifth Element, clad mainly in black velvet and red roses, bringing sparkling delivery and to-die-for hammy acting to every scene he’s in. In short, he’s an absolute delight.
It’s a surprisingly divisive film: critics at the time of its release were dramatically split between adoration and hatred; and it’s featured frequently on both “best of sci-fi” and “worst of sci-fi” lists. While I’m not sure I entirely understand the hate, let’s be clear: if you aren’t a fan of campy science fiction, or the Luc Besson style more generally, then this is not the movie for you. I suspect that readers who delight in Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett will also enjoy this film—although Besson’s style is so unique that it’s difficult to be sure how people will react to it.
One final note—Chris Tucker. He makes this movie for me (again, this is a divisive opinion: some critics apparently thought he ruined it), just like he makes Silver Linings Playbook. Every time I watch either The Fifth Element or Silver Linings, I feel the distinct need to run to Netflix and watch everything Chris Tucker has ever made, because the man. is. a. genius. He swans through The Fifth Element, clad mainly in black velvet and red roses, bringing sparkling delivery and to-die-for hammy acting to every scene he’s in. In short, he’s an absolute delight.
The Clothes
The Fifth Element’s costumes were designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier, and they contribute significantly to the movie’s nutso vibe. We’re going tone it down for comfort’s sake (skin-tight black velvet bodysuits, while absolutely recommended in general, are considered by some to be overkill for an evening at home on the couch. If you do not agree, I encourage you to go ahead with that plan instead).
A post-script: ladies, you may feel the impulse to pull out your white bandage dresses for this date night. I implore you to ignore that impulse, because I swear to god if I see one more bandage dress this year this twitch right below my left eye is going to take up permanent residence.
The Booze
I’ve been holding the Singapore Sling in my back pocket, waiting for the right moment, and it’s finally here. Colorful, fruity, and absolutely over-the-top, the Sling is the perfect way to begin your Date Night. There are several different versions, and while the original is a delicious, summery cocktail, I would go with the more impactful pineapple-laden version. Make sure to garnish with an oversized hunk of pineapple—I think it really ratchets up the weird.
The Food
Well, I had a plan here. Asian seemed like a perfect choice for this Date Night, and these delicious looking baozi the perfect recipe. How original, I thought, how sophisticated. What a delightful choice, I murmured to myself in glee, and what a delightful blogger you are, Diana Biller, oh yes, yes indeed.
And then I tried to make them.
Friends, just order Chinese.
And then I tried to make them.
Friends, just order Chinese.
By Diana Christine Biller
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