On Shailene Woodley: "She's not great, but she's no Kristen Stewart."
On Ansel Elgort: "At least they didn't get some Abercrombie model dude."
On the plot: "Did it seem like most of the movie was awkward smiling?"
On all the feels: "Good thing I'm such an O.G. Or else I might have cried."
On the director: "Is this the same dude that made Juno or Scott Pilgrim?
On its date potential: "Guys should know that they shouldn't take girls to this movie expecting to get laid. Maybe a handhold and a wet t-shirt."
On his enjoyment: "I think I would have rather stayed home with our son."
And his bottom line: "It was alright, but I wouldn't want to see it again."