Welcome to the new and improved Common Novel! Just kidding. It's the exact same Common Novel, except now with updated content. That's right--after almost a year long hiatus, we're back. I can't promise we're back with insightful content, but I can promise that things will be posted.
In particular, here are the series we plan to post regularly:
Monday: slightly different than our old Must Read Monday, which was just book reviews, the new Must Read Monday will (usually) announce a theme for the rest of the week's posts #MustReadMonday
Tuesday: a new weekly series on nerd cooking and baking (aka the best baking) #TreatYoSelfTuesday
Wednesday: another new weekly series on nerd outfits #WearableCosplayWedneday
That's right, we will be posting at least three new posts a week. Since we didn't post Monday, this week is theme-less, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to read. So. With that out of the way. Let's get to our first Treat Yo Self Tuesday with a Portal cake!*
Monday: slightly different than our old Must Read Monday, which was just book reviews, the new Must Read Monday will (usually) announce a theme for the rest of the week's posts #MustReadMonday
Tuesday: a new weekly series on nerd cooking and baking (aka the best baking) #TreatYoSelfTuesday
Wednesday: another new weekly series on nerd outfits #WearableCosplayWedneday
That's right, we will be posting at least three new posts a week. Since we didn't post Monday, this week is theme-less, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to read. So. With that out of the way. Let's get to our first Treat Yo Self Tuesday with a Portal cake!*
The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie.
In Portal, players are promised that there will be cake if they complete numerous tasks as part of an experiment. But said cake never arrives, and players later find a message from former lab worker Doug Rattman scribbled across the walls saying, "the cake is a lie," repeatedly. So, basically, the promised reward for your hard work is non-existent.
Pretty damn deep, tbh. Which is why the phrase "the cake is a lie" has grown far beyond Portal and well into casual internet territory. Urban Dictionary translates the phrase to, "Your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator."
Now, the above cake isn't actually a true Portal cake. The game's end credits depict a single cartoon Black Forest cake at the bottom of the research facility.
Pretty damn deep, tbh. Which is why the phrase "the cake is a lie" has grown far beyond Portal and well into casual internet territory. Urban Dictionary translates the phrase to, "Your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator."
Now, the above cake isn't actually a true Portal cake. The game's end credits depict a single cartoon Black Forest cake at the bottom of the research facility.
 |  |
A Black Forest cake is a type of German chocolate cake with an insane amount of whipped cream icing and layers of sour cherries, and a quick google search of "Black Forest cake Portal" shows that plenty of people have already made some pretty impressive replicas. But, not enjoying cherries put a real damper on my Portal fun.
So what's a girl to do? Well, I do live in Texas, and if a Texan's going to make a chocolate cake, it's probably going to be a Texas sheet cake. I started from Ree Drummond's "Best Chocolate Sheet Cake" recipe, and made two changes:
And this cake, oh my god. Who cares if it's not a real Portal cake when it's this gd good? Generally, a Texas sheet cake is not decorated (because the frosting is powdered sugar heaven), but I still wanted a little bit of that Portal flair, so I added the traditional cherries around the edges. I just used a tube of store bought white decorating frosting and a star tip for the cherry beds. Then I used a small circle tip and the same frosting to write the "code" for the "The cake is a lie" message.
If, unlike me, you're not into computer code, feel free to skip this step and just scrawl real big across the top "THE CAKE IS A LIE," because why the hell not? It's your Portal cake, and you can do what you want to.
For those of you who might want a more traditional Portal option, here's one from Taste of Home (a usually reliable recipe resource) and here's a highly rated one from All Recipes. Just don't forget the critical Portal decorations. Hint: cover the white frosting with chocolate shavings.
*I guess you could say this may contain tiny spoilers for Portal.**
**I mean, you could say it, but you'd be wrong since the game came out almost ten years ago and almost everyone knows what "The Cake Is a Lie" means.
So what's a girl to do? Well, I do live in Texas, and if a Texan's going to make a chocolate cake, it's probably going to be a Texas sheet cake. I started from Ree Drummond's "Best Chocolate Sheet Cake" recipe, and made two changes:
- Instead of one cup of boiling water, I used six ounces of boiling water and two ounces of espresso (meaning I still had a cup of liquid)
- I added a tsp of cinnamon to the buttermilk mixture
And this cake, oh my god. Who cares if it's not a real Portal cake when it's this gd good? Generally, a Texas sheet cake is not decorated (because the frosting is powdered sugar heaven), but I still wanted a little bit of that Portal flair, so I added the traditional cherries around the edges. I just used a tube of store bought white decorating frosting and a star tip for the cherry beds. Then I used a small circle tip and the same frosting to write the "code" for the "The cake is a lie" message.
If, unlike me, you're not into computer code, feel free to skip this step and just scrawl real big across the top "THE CAKE IS A LIE," because why the hell not? It's your Portal cake, and you can do what you want to.
For those of you who might want a more traditional Portal option, here's one from Taste of Home (a usually reliable recipe resource) and here's a highly rated one from All Recipes. Just don't forget the critical Portal decorations. Hint: cover the white frosting with chocolate shavings.
*I guess you could say this may contain tiny spoilers for Portal.**
**I mean, you could say it, but you'd be wrong since the game came out almost ten years ago and almost everyone knows what "The Cake Is a Lie" means.
Post by Rachel Paxton. She Tweets and Instagrams sometimes, but not enough to make your effort to follow her worth it.
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